angelabrumbaugh

D.I.Y. Problem Solving Techniques… That Actually Solve Problems!

This one is for the do-it-yourself loving, roll-up-your-sleeves slaying, never-ask-for-help heroes. The ones who inspire, create, and are known for proudly saying, “I got this.” We stand in solidarity with all of you floor- tiling, dog- training, language-learning, video watching-crock-pot creators. We applaud your spirit and tenacity. We know you don’t stumble upon information, so landing on this page was an intentional act. You are either facing a problem, crisis, stressed, need some motivation, or are looking for a checklist of how to fix your situation.

We know you are no stranger to reading directions, so we have listed below three steps that will help you solve any problem.

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1. Write On: Set aside fifteen minutes and write down the problem. Write down what it is, who/what it effects, and why it’s important to solve it. The reason we recommend writing it down with a pen and paper is the act of writing slows you down. You can’t be thinking of ten thousand things to do when you are trying to focus on one. Writing actually makes you concentrate, and this leads to finding better solutions.

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2. Own It: This part is sometimes tricky if you’re feeling stressed or angry. However, if you’re going to fix something you have to take ownership of it. For instance, if you write: “My boss expects too much of me on the weekends” you instantly become a victim of circumstance. You are not a victim, so don’t place the burden of responsibility on the other person. Instead, empower yourself by writing, “I am not meeting my boss’s expectations on the weekends.” This statement creates a problem you can change and doesn’t leave you feeling helpless. If your problem is a relationship make sure you apply the same rule. Instead of writing, “My husband/wife won’t listen to me” write “I am not communicating with my spouse in a way that meets my needs.” This statement will lead to real, tangible solutions. See the difference?

If you are struggling with this step, rest assured, we have been there and can help. (By calling you are taking control of your life, and don’t worry no one will take away your title of D.I.Y. expert)

3. Solve it: Now that you have taken control of the situation, by owning the problem, you can solve your problem. Consider creating a chart to help you see everything clearly.

Problem	Solution
I have to work on the weekends.	I will ask my boss how I can be more productive during work hours.
I am not communicating in a way to ensure my needs are met.	I will change my approach and be direct.
I am not losing weight.	I will be honest about my food intake by charting it.
I am not getting the results I want in school.	I will re-evaluate my time management and allow more time to study.
I am never on time and stressed in the morning.	I will get up 30 min earlier and allow myself ample time to start the day.
I am unable to get my work done on time because I get distracted.	I will disable my social media during the hours of ___ till____

Often problem-solving seems complicated, but it’s not. The hard part is being honest with ourselves and owning our contribution to the problem. It’s tough to do, really tough. If you have any doubts about this, watch opposing political commentary, and you will see a plethora of examples. We live in a world that has mastered the art of taking no responsibility for their actions. And the truth is we all have done it, but the difference between them and us is now we take action, own it, and solve our problems. We don’t accept a situation that we can’t change, because we know we can. We are D.I.Y experts, and we will not leave our most important project, our life, in someone else’s hands.

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Personal Development

Stuck in a Web of Lies? Use These Three Power Moves to Untangle Yourself!

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Imagine for a moment that the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there are no clouds in the sky. Feeling motivated by mother nature, you grab the leash and set out to walk your dog. As you reach the front door and step outside, you hear tornado sirens. You immediately retreat indoors and turn on the television. You find a credible news station, and it reports that there is a tornado on the ground! The frantic weatherman is running back and forth in front of a giant map yelling, “Take cover!” He then points to a glowing red triangle and gasps uttering, “This will be the storm of the century.” Now feeling panic-stricken you run to the window, look out, and confirm that the sun is still shining and the day is still gorgeous.

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Perplexed, you switch the station to watch another equally credible station, but on that station, there is a weatherman wearing sunglasses and smiling. He reports the weather will be picture-perfect all day long! This contradiction leaves you feeling unsettled. You start to wonder who to trust. One weatherman is confirming what you see, while the other is trying to convince you of the city’s inevitable demise. Searching for answers, you decide to log on to social media for some clarity. Much to your dismay, everyone there is arguing about which weatherman to trust, not the actual problem, the weather! Sounds completely crazy, doesn’t it? It’s not. It’s what goes on every day in our world. Someone we trust yells, “take cover” and we act. Some of us even spread the news so others can be informed as well. Better safe than sorry, right? Then it happens, the day comes, and we learn there was no storm of the century headed our way. They lied to us, and we believed them. We immediately feel enraged, and rest assured, that is a perfectly normal reaction.

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No one likes to find out they were lied to, but being lied to is not nearly as bad, as what we do to ourselves following the lie. You see when we believe a lie, we not only stop trusting the liar, but we also subconsciously stop trusting ourselves. We begin to second-guess our ability to distinguish fact from fiction creating a feedback loop of negative self-talk. So, what can you do?

Here are three power moves to stop the negative self-talk and help you move forward right now!

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1. Applaud yourself for trusting!

Applauding yourself will not feel natural at first, but it’s as essential to your mental well-being as air is to your survival. You must reassure yourself that trusting people is a courageous act of vulnerability. This sends signals to your brain that you were brave, thus reversing the negative chatter that is replaying in your head. It’s also a great response to the question, “How did you not see the truth?” By reprograming your brain, you take back control of the situation.

2. Walk in Their Shoes.

I know what you’re thinking; there is no way I want to walk in their smelly shoes! I understand, but to lessen the impact of a lie, you must humanize the liar. They can’t remain an evil troll in your mind because that makes you far less likely to move forward. (No one can forgive an evil villain.) So, see them for who they are, a profoundly misguided individual, who let you down by lying to you. Nothing more, nothing less. The reality is we don’t know why someone lied to us. Perhaps they were hurting, sought attention, or they just repeated a lie they heard from someone they trusted. Bottom line- Imaginary evil villains are just that, imaginary. People are not imaginary. They are flawed, hurtful, angry, and insecure; but they are also trusting, loving, and capable of seeing anyone differently if they try.

3. Get “Really” Real (after you have calmed down)

Be honest with yourself and speak your truth. Tell someone they hurt you, let you down, or forever changed the state of the relationship. Don’t tell the liar it’s okay if you know it will never be okay. That doesn’t help you take back your power. Realize, that often, we seek a known, over an unknown, no matter the cost. But this creates more negative self-talk and will ultimately end in disaster. If you can’t move on, don’t say you can.

Side note: I do believe some people can change. They can stop cheating, lying, drinking, etc. They can become better people and partners. However, they won’t be able to do so if they’re constantly reminded of their failures. This is not the formula for a healthy relationship and will prevent both of you from moving forward.

Again, trust yourself enough to do what’s best for you.

The truth is being on the receiving end of a lie will never feel good whether it’s on the news, from a loved one, family member, or friend. A great mantra you might want to remember is, “I may not be able to trust others all of the time, but I can trust myself!”

Joao silas magnifying glass writing with pencil on paper

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Don’t spend hours or days beating yourself up while reading books on how to spot a liar. That’s living in a constant state of victimhood. My grandma used to say, “If you are looking for a lie, you’ll find one. When you live this way, you are telling your subconscious mind the world is a dark place, and I will be ready. You aren’t living in a state of trust and love where you deserve to be living. Though, it’s human nature to reflect; you don’t need to relive the pain and turn into an amateur detective. Instead, spend that time building yourself up.

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Here are some suggestions on how to change your negative self-talk now!

Instead of saying:

I was lied to- I trusted deeply.

I was betrayed- I loved bravely.

I was foolish- I did not have the correct information.

I was gullible- I believed what was presented to me by a deceptive person.

I wish I’d never – I’m thankful for the lesson.

They are evil- They chose to tell a lie.

We are here for you and believe in you. If you need some help moving forward, we can help. Send us a message.

Personal Development

You Have a Lot of Choices Today, Being Comfortable is Not One of Them!

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We all get comfortable and follow routines that are familiar to us. We wake up, drink coffee, and get ready to take on the day. We go to work the same way, eat lunch at the same place, and drive home listening to the same music. We do all of these things without even realizing we have been on autopilot for hours. What is happening in our brains is not rocket science. Study after study finds that people inherently tend to gravitate toward the known; in other words, we love our little comfort zones. Psychologists Robert M. Yerkes and John D. Dodson took on the idea of comfort zones back in 1908. They found that a general state of comfort resulted in fixed results and set levels of performance; however, if participants wanted to enhance their performance, unfortunately, they needed to get a little uncomfortable. This zone is what they called the optimal anxiety zone, and it’s just outside our comfort zones. If ideas of bungee jumping and skydiving are causing you to hyperventilate right now, go find a paper bag to breathe into, and sit down. This is probably not your optimal anxiety zone. So, relax and step away from the parachute.

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No, no, no…The results clearly state that too much stress or anxiety can cause you to shut down. So, if you’re scared of heights, using the optimal anxiety zone theory might look like hiking up a hill or taking an elevator to the top floor of your office building. It’s pushing yourself past your comfort zone but not going to extreme measures. By getting uncomfortable, you prove to yourself that you can handle whatever life throws your way. So, each time you try a new dish, take that hike, or decide to go sliding down a water slide called the vertical blackout, you are sending signals to your brain that stress is okay and new situations aren’t scary.

What if I fail?

What if that new dish tastes awful, that hike was unsuccessful, or you bailed on taking the vertical blackout water slide. That’s okay, give yourself a break and resolve in your mind that you will try again later. The problem so many people have is they fear failure. No one likes to fail. The word failure conjures up countless flashbacks of moments that were often painful or downright embarrassing.

However, you must realize that even those moments taught you something valuable. In the book, “Creativity Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration,” Ed Catmull says it best:

“Failure isn’t a necessary evil. In fact, it isn’t evil at all. It is a necessary consequence of doing something new.”

Maybe the lesson you needed to learn was to study more before a test, take feedback with a grain of salt, or allow plenty of time to prepare for an interview. *Or maybe you learned that you should never put tortilla chips in the oven, because the oil explodes into an angry fireball! (So, I’ve been told.)

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The lessons we learn have the power to change us for better or worse. By taking control of your mind and seeing even your biggest failures served a purpose, you allow yourself the freedom to step into your optimal anxiety zone and change your life.

What is one thing that makes you uncomfortable that you will do today? Here are some suggestions to help you begin brainstorming.

1. Speaking up when you have a new idea in a meeting.

2. Going to that exercise class that plays your favorite music.

3. Learning a new language.

4. Learning a new instrument.

5. Hiring a life coach!

6. Going to a new restaurant.

We’re cheering for you!

Life Coaching

Why Life Coaching Isn’t What You Think It Is

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Need some motivation?

Feeling Stuck?

Not sure what to do next?

Then it’s past time to consider investing in yourself and hire a life coach.

Disclaimer:

First, let’s discuss what life coaching is and what it isn’t. Life coaching is not a replacement for medically supervised counseling. We wholeheartedly believe professional help can save lives and actual mental illness is not something you can slap a Band-Aid on and call it a day. If you are in a downward spiral and need medical attention, please call 911 or seek medical attention from a trained medical professional. If you are currently following a medically supervised treatment plan and feel life coaching is something you should incorporate into your treatment, first consult with your healthcare provider and feel free to contact us. We have no problem working with your doctor to derive a clear strategy for you to be successful.

So What Is Life Coaching?

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By definition, a “life coach” helps an individual face the challenges of life. It’s someone who trains you, guides you, and pushes you to be the best you can be. It is someone who focuses on the future, not past circumstances. Life coaching is not primarily about rehashing failed relationships, childhood memories, or any event you no longer have control over. Instead, it’s objective-driven strategies to help you unlock your potential and create the life you’ve always dreamed of living.

Where To Start?

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Not too long ago, I came across an inspiring story about when Bill Walton (all-star player) met John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach. Here is an excerpt:

“Coach Wooden called all the freshmen together and walked us into the locker room. There, he sat down on a stool and began his lecture to us. We sat there like dutiful sponges ready to soak it all up, knowing that he was about to give us the key to heaven on earth, show us the path, guide us to become the next great team in history. His first words were, Men, this is how you put your shoes and socks on.”

The truth is sometimes everyone feels stuck or needs a little guidance. Often, we see the goal and think we can dive right in, but in doing so, we miss the most significant step, the first step. A life coach can help you identify what your first step is, often it’s not what you might think.

Turning Hope into A Plan!

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There is actual science behind the act of planning and following through, but again the research may surprise you.

“Researchers at Korea Business and the University of Iowa published an interesting article in Psychological Science, showing that people are much likely to accomplish goals when they engage in something called “future retrospection.” What is future retrospection? Simply put, future retrospection is imagining yourself as if you’ve already accomplished your goal, and then planning backward about all the steps that you had to take to get there.”

We are trained to help you turn your hopes and dreams into a plan. We know how daunting it can be when you want to move forward but feel stuck, and by focusing on the future, we can help you move toward it. We have reliable techniques and strategies to simplify your life. These aren’t merely checklists or to-do lists; instead, these are scientific approaches to help you reach your goal.

Embrace Now!

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What will determine your success is what you do right now. By investing in a life coach, you are investing in yourself, and in our eyes, there is no greater investment. Every goal, challenge, habit, relationship, and dream is fluid and forever changing. Nothing is permanent, but the past. So, leave yesterday alone, live today, and shine tomorrow. The future you will thank you.

Uncategorized

The Art of Walking on “Social Media Eggshells”

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It’s morning, and the sun is gently nudging you to wake up and celebrate the new day. You wrap your oversized terrycloth robe around you and navigate straight to the kitchen. There you find your “be happy” mug and make yourself the perfect cup of coffee. With coffee in hand, you grab your phone and head to your favorite chair. Staring out the window, you get lost in thought, as the sun gently warms your face. Suddenly you notice a brilliantly colored bluebird perched on top of your freshly planted pink tulips.

You immediately grab your cell phone and snap dozens of pictures. Thrilled to share your experience with the world you crop and filter your images. Finally, you add a quick quote and some well-placed hashtags and click post. While you await the flood of likes, comments, and shares you are confident you’ll receive from your photo you decide to see what is happening in other people’s lives. You begin to scroll, and suddenly you read an angry political rant. Then you scroll further, and someone is complaining about the traffic in the city, then a boyfriend who didn’t text, and a neighbor’s dog that won’t stop barking, and so on and so on. You reach to grab your coffee, but just like your cheerful disposition, it has turned cold. The sun is now hurting your eyes, and all you want to do is go back to bed. Then suddenly you see a comment notification on your picture. You click to read the comment and feel instantly irritated. Someone you’ve never met posted: “I’m allergic to pink tulips, not to mention your optimism.” You immediately feel the discomfort of walking on social media eggshells as you try to craft a response.

Dealing with these situations are at the least, awkward, and the worst exhausting. So, here are some helpful tips for treading lightly over these crunchy, unsavory words and keeping the good vibes flowing.

1. Don’t take the Bait!

Did you know the word “offense” comes from the Greek word scandalon? A scandalon is the part of a trap that holds the bait in place to lure animals to it. So, when you are tempted to be offended think of the offense as bait and don’t allow yourself to walk into someone else’s negativity trap.

2. Lighten Up!

Using humor with the right attitude can change almost any situation. For instance, in the above example if someone said, “I’m allergic to pink tulips, not to mention your optimism.” You can always reply with, “Sorry to hear that. Have you ever tried taking Claritin? It’s great for all types of allergies.”

Another option is to ignore what they said and move on. Nothing says you have to respond or take the negative baggage they are handing you. Drop it and find something else to do that will bring you joy.

3. Don’t Be “Tone Deaf.”

Have you ever wondered why someone took something you wrote the wrong way? Well, now you can analyze your own words before you hit send. By using a tone analyzer, you can predict how your message or words will be perceived. The tone analyzer can accurately detect the emotion your text, tweets, and even emails convey to your readers. Click https://tone-analyzer-demo.ng.bluemix.net/ and try it out yourself. It might save you from an argument you never intended to start.

4. We’ll that Escalated Quickly!

Cyber bullies are real, and if you encounter someone who seems to have a never-ending arsenal of negativity to hurl at you, you have two options.

o Option One: Be direct. In these circumstances, I advise my clients to have a prewritten response ready to cut and paste into a direct message. Often, we fail to recognize someone who wants to be heard and forget that a simple direct message will stop the vitriol.

Example:

Dear (Insert Name)

In my life, I actively choose to focus on the positive. It’s my life’s purpose to share love, knowledge, and information responsibly. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. It was not my intention, nor will it ever be. I wish nothing but success and blessings for everyone my platform reaches on social media or online. Please know I will be praying for you, and also for myself, so that we will both communicate more clearly in the future.

Respectfully,

o Option Two:

If you’ve done everything you can and someone won’t stop harassing you can use the block and report option. But be aware this is often a temporary fix as many trolls have multiple profiles on these platforms.

5. BE UNSOCIAL!

In a world chock-full of likes, tags, comments, and swipes it’s hard to imagine a time when technology didn’t exist. On the one hand, these tools are wonderful and keep us all connected. We share our lives, hopes, dreams, and victories. But on the other hand, they can sometimes feel intrusive, negative, time-consuming and downright energy depriving. So lastly don’t be afraid to log off or deactivate your account every now and again. Life is beautiful, but there are times we will face challenges. In these times it’s best to save our energy for what matters. (And trust me arguing on Social Media does not fall into that category.)

If you’d like to talk or feel stuck, please don’t hesitate to reach out. And if these have helped you feel free to share.